It’s that sound of my roommate snoring that makes me want to take my pillow and push it up against her innocently sleeping face, but I don’t move from my perch on my own cheap mattress pad. If being locked up in a modern-day asylum for the crazies is beyond dreadful, imagine how bad being put away in a woman’s only prison for murder would be.
I just stare at the ceiling, listening to her nose whistling, in and out, my eyes closed. The smell of her is pungent and is almost comforting in a sick way, but then again, I am sick.
I shouldn’t be so cruel to the poor woman, she’s more alone in this world than even I am, but I just cannot find any empathy for her. She follows me around the place like a scared puppy dog and instead of allowing her the refuge that my kindness would give her, instead I scowl and give her looks of evilness.
Leave me the mother fuck alone, you nutcase bitch!!!
I am also a nutcase bitch and I have nothing left for anyone, especially not you.
My beloved, the man who I’ve put all of my love into for years, has betrayed me. I want to tell everyone inside this dank building, where the food is tasteless and the hours crawl by slower than the baby ants carrying cracker crumbs back from the Sunday church picnic.
Listen, I know that he doesn’t love me anymore, that he doesn’t want me! I have driven him away with my mental illnesses, by my not being a normal girl, not giving him enough blow-jobs and letting him cum on my titties! As we speak, he’s out there fucking another woman, I just know it.
I don’t have proof, but I know that something inside of him has switched from caring about what happens to Abby to only caring about his cock.
I swallow back my tears and take my medications like the good little puppet that I am. If I lose my sanity in this God forsaken place, they’ll keep me in here forever. I smile falsely when the shrinks ask me how I’m feeling. Oh, just fine doctor, I am feeling as stable and as normal as I can given that my entire life is going to fucking hell in the same garbage can where I vomited up all of those pills.
I failed at killing myself, they let me down just like my old man has.
The newest resident of the crazy-barn wants me to braid her dirty, disgusting hair and since she seems the type that would kick my ass if I didn’t follow her orders, I comply without complaint.
It’s like opening my mouth when a man wants me to suck him off.
Her nasty brown hair feels like grease and smells like open ass, but I braid the holy fuck out of it because if I don’t, she’ll become my enemy. Life in the mental ward is difficult enough as it is, so I really don’t want to piss off the alpha female.
“Nice job, although it could be a little tighter, she says. The other ladies of the manor are staring at me, waiting for my response.
A bit of my inner angry bitch sneaks out.
Hey, I say, I told you that I wasn’t all that great at doing hair.
She laughs and looks away. I silently berate myself for being so careless with my attitude, but the c-rag inside is quite pleased.
You’re going to miss lunch, I hear the nurse tell me from the doorway of my sparse accommodations.
I’m not hungry, I mutter back from under my blanket. Your food is just awful.
She makes a disapproving sound with her tongue and walks away, logging it into her little notebook.
If I keep losing weight, maybe my man gone astray will change his mind and love me again.
If I really desired, I could hook-up with the male night nurse. I can tell that he’s interested by the way he looks at me when he gives me my pills at 2 in the morning.
I don’t pursue it, although I regret that decision now.
ABBY’S NOT NORMAL